How to pick a Canadian up successfully
by Mlle-Maple
Summary: Gilbert decided that Matthew deserved the great honor of spending a night with him. Except that Gilbert isn't as awesome at flirting as he thought he was.  Rated T for language,Prucan


Author:Inunobaka

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. All the pick up lines in here were found on the net.

Note: I'd say thanks to Jasmyn. Because she sent me some of those pick up lines~ And I also would like to add I don't have a beta for that fic so I just hope it's not too... French xD

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When Gilbert first met him, he wasn't in the mood to flirt at all. He had had a shitty day, what with people tricking him with cute things and happiness. That one was new though; tricking him with cuteness to sell him another of those happy stuff... Except he gave it for free too. Anyway it obviously was a trap. But he had no reasons not to try the sticky syrup the other gave him. As he tasted it, he had to admit it was the best thing that happened to him that first day of April. After updating his blog to mention him and give him some award, he thought a bit about him, and decided to thank him, and what was better to thank him than giving him access to his awesome body? He would do him the big honor of spending a night with him, which would obviously be the best of his life, and of course the Canadian would be grateful for it. That decision had nothing to do with the fact he didn't get laid in forever and how wicked cute the boy was looking forward to it, and overly confident -nobody could resist his charm after all- he started his wooing. He refused to call it courting; that was for pansy. Like Roderich.

At the first occasion he got to see the Canadian again, sure of himself, he just casually walked to him and slipped an arm around his shoulder, startling the poor thing -he obviously wasn't used to such amount of awesomeness- and ignoring the wary glance he got, smirked to say:

"Hey. Do you come from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see."

Gilbert had, surprisingly, worked on that line. The young man was from North America, so he obviously would get it. It was flattering but not too offensive, since he didn't look like the kind who would like the use of any bad words, and well flattery worked usually, at least with Francis. He was cheering internally, his smirk widening as Matthew blushed -adorably,he noted- and he felt the younger nation's hand on his. Then suddenly, his arm was back to his side and the pleasant warmth coming from the body previously pressed lightly against his was gone. His prey simply nodded at him politely, stating "I'm Canada, not America." before walking away.

Well shit, that didn't go as planned. When he got out of his dumbfounded state, the Canadian was gone.

The next time he tried, he swore he wasn't going to mess up. His ego got bruised last time, but he had remembered how sensitive his little Canadian was when mistaken for his brother. He was going to play it safe, try a smooth move and use those really crappy cheesy romantic lines...

He found him gazing out of a window, tried to ignore how the light reflecting in his hair suited what was to come -he was a bit more than cute there, he'd say handsome, and it was something usually only himself deserved-.

He grabbed his attention with a smile and a pretty quiet for him "Hey, are you lost?"

He was about to continue when the other turned to him,staring at him blankly and opening his mouth -those lips were quite attractive, he couldn't wait to see what they could do- to state "No, I'm not." with that he smiled bleakly, apparently a bit nervous -being near the great Prussia was a bit nerve-wracking, it was normal-. Gilbert wasn't going to give up though. It was a bit unfair he couldn't finish his line, "because heaven is far away from here", but he had another one that would just do the trick. He brushed his hand on his shoulder, his touch lingering a bit, earning him a curious, wary stare, and said:

"Oh, I'm sorry, those are your shoulders, I thought it was wings..."

At that the other smiled. Score...?

"No, you're right actually, you left your bird here earlier and I took him with me, he was napping here..." with that he reached to scoop the bird lightly, taking him out of his hood, and handed him to his master. Said master was gaping. Since when did his awesome little Gilbird ditch him for cute maple syrup lovers...? Once the ball of yellow fluff was back on his head, chirping happily, Matthew nodded politely at him again, saying a quiet "well then... good bye." before walking away once more.

Damn it.

The time after was unexpected. He was minding his own business, as to say was snickering after being kicked out of the meeting room for drawing inappropriate things on the board, when he suddenly got an armful of flushed, panting cutie. Why, he never thought it would go like that, but that was what he wanted after all, so he wasn't going to complain. While he was enjoying being tackled after his charms took effect on the other, it wasn't the case for Canada, who all but jumped off of him, putting a good distance between them and stuttering apologies. It was quite cute. Prussia just stayed on the floor smiling a little -it wasn't a stupid smile!- And suddenly remembered a pick up line he found on the net and decided was funny as hell.

"Can you help me up? My dick is too big."

He held his hand out grinning at the same time. Canada quickly pulled him up, too busy apologizing to even notice he said something. When he was done, and Prussia was marveling at how it seemed to work and how his fingers were more calloused than he'd believe them to be, Matthew quickly ran off after squeaking a little "I'm late sorry!".

Gilbert was starting to get pissed. Time to be a bit more straight-forward.

When he managed to find him alone again, the young man's eyes were a bit dazed and his shoulders slightly slumped. He just got closer to him, and softly said "I feel funny around you."

At that, Matthew's eyes closed, and he assumed it was to listen to his voice and understand everything better. He also noticed he had quite long eyelash, maybe it was why the other one looked a bit girly. It was part of what made him cute.

"I feel like I ate an elephant. I think the trunk is sticking out,want to check?"

He waited for an answer. Matthew took his sweet time. Eventually, after two good minutes, he mumbled something. About Pancakes. Sleeping. Of course it couldn't go well...

Oddly, he didn't feel like waking him up selfishly, like he would have with anyone else. Instead, he ran his fingers lightly through the other's hair, noticing how petting him felt way better than petting Latvia, smiling lightly. After that, he took his hand back, lecturing himself. He didn't feel flutters in his stomach when he petted him, of course not. It was a pride matter; nobody refused to fall for him when he was actually courting them. Once he made sure it wasn't a feeling for pussies like... Love, he looked at his hand, his cheeks taking a slightly pinker shade as he smiled again.

There also was that time later when he managed to steal Alfred's cellphone in order to prank him. While he changed his ring tone so his phone would yodel next time someone called, he found the last call came from "Canada/Mattie". He instantly wrote it down, finished his little manipulation with the phone and put it down. When he was back outside, sitting on a bench, he texted him " Hey, I'm an astronaut and my mission is to explore Uranus".

He waited ten good minutes, starring at his black and white cell phone's screen where he could enjoy a picture of Gilbird puffing out his feathers in delight, when finally a message notification appeared, coming from him. He smiled a bit and opened it in order to read "Alfred, stop changing your cellphone all the time. And I thought your next aim was Mars...? Tony finally told you where he came from?"

Who was tony...? And that answer was kind of funny. He chuckled and rather stupidly let his phone fall. Too bad it slipped down the little slope, straight into the decorative pond they had here. Well, he'd have to buy a new one... And try to get the number again.

Another time he simply sat next to the other and started talking.

"So... what's your kind of guys? No wait, I know. Tall, handsome, sexy white hair, red eyes full of cleverness, plain awesome, Prussian?"

He looked at him with what he thought wasn't an expectant look, the other looking up from his paper to smile at him a little, before taking off his earphones, shutting off his MP3 player and standing up. He said a little "hello Prussia." before going to Ukraine.

Gilbert just felt dejected. Old Fritz was supposed to watch over him and help him, so what was he waiting for...?

His last attempt before he snapped and just threw the poor guy against a wall to eat his face -and more- out of despair went a bit differently.

He was a bit down, it happened to him, what with not being a nation anymore and spending more and more time being ignored despite pranking them and making a fool of himself. So he was just here, not really in the mood to flirt actually, his failures not really making him positive about it either, even if he decided he would only try one more pick up line before being more forceful.

As he sat on his bench,the same one as the one he texted Matthew a little while ago, said Matthew just came to sit next to him. Which kind of surprised him, the kid always looked a bit wary around him or simply didn't pay him attention after that day when he gave him his syrup. He nodded silently at him, not sure he actually wanted to talk much, and simply just staring at him wondering what he wanted. He kind of doubted his awesomeness dragged him to that bench.

"Hello Prussia." With that the blond just smiled at him and looked in front of him, apparently starring at one of the ducks they had here.

Somehow, even if he was a bit uncomfortable at first, he slowly started feeling at ease. It was nice to just... sit there with him. Especially since the other willingly came to him. Maybe he could... try something. He wasn't in the mood to have sex right now, but he could always just test the waters...

"Hey, Canada."

With that the younger man looked at him, smiling a little.

"Yes?"

"You have a beep on your nose."

"A what...?"

The Canadian looked a bit puzzled and started lifting his hand. Gilbert chuckled, pushing it back down with one of his, and used the other one to lightly pinch the other's nose.

" beep."

There was a silence, and he started feeling uncomfortable again under the blank stare he got, when the other just smiled sweetly.

"It wasn't really funny but... nice attempt."

He smiled back a bit and sighed. At least the other said it was a nice attempt. And surprisingly, he didn't stop here. For some reasons they just started chatting. About little things, nothing really interesting, but it made him feel slightly better. Actually way better. And he started thinking he might have a chance again. He didn't even remember why he wanted to seduce him so badly, all he knew was that he might actually really have a chance, and that it was something great. Awesome, actually.

Then came that time. He caught Canada in a corridor, and put his hand on his shoulder to spin him around. He decided to be bold, making sure he was really listening, and judging By the boy's surprised expression and the way he actually looked at him, not listening to music and actually placing his hands on the arms he managed to slip around him, it was good.

"Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position."

He grinned at him, trying to act confident, but felt like that move was actually a win or lose one. The younger boy sighed and pushed him away, making his heart sink in his chest. Shit, he messed up, didn't he?

Then he heard it. He wasn't sure he heard it well, but the way the other looked at him made him believe it.

"you've been a bad, bad boy. To my room."

Well now, that was interesting. And No, he wouldn't admit that in the end it was him who had been successfully picked up by some line probably found on the Internet.


End file.
